


lets make it real

by halscv



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Consent, M/M, coming to terms with feelings and sexuality, pynch is NOT the main focus of this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:18:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5385701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halscv/pseuds/halscv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>adam parrish just wanted his mind to be his own (in which adam questions what he is feeling and how cabeswater plays a part in his life)</p>
            </blockquote>





	lets make it real

**Author's Note:**

> this is a character study of a sort because i have a lot of adam parrish feels

For most of his life, Adam Parrish has to battle with control over his own mind. It is a key thing Adam yearns for. He wants to be able to think for himself, to not be a puppet to someone else. He wants to be his own person, to have control of himself and how he thinks. He wants to feel like his own person, to be able to explore who he is and come up with his own conclusions. To be something besides what other people want him to be.

The thing is, ever since Adam sacrificed his body to Cabeswater, his mind was once again lost to a force he could do nothing about. Where before it was his father, a menacing weight on Adam’s back that kept his from ever allowing him to think and decide and be his own version of Adam Parrish, now it is the magical forest who is able to take over Adam and his feelings.

Cabeswater is able to get into Adam’s head, to do whatever it wants and to change feelings that were once only Adam’s. Adam is once again at the mercy of another, the control he wants so badly is farther away than ever.

Cabeswater is both a thing of Adam’s and a thing of Ronan’s. Cabeswater is a mystical force that controls and doesn’t care for consent. It is a thing that cannot be stopped and will get what it wants. The question is, is what Adam feels just thing Cabeswater had implanted into Adam’s brain to please Ronan?

Is anything Adam feels for Ronan truly his own? Adam wants to be in control, to feel what he says he can feel, but he is stuck with Cabeswater inside of him, and it’s Cabeswater that could change those feelings. Adam could truly love Ronan back, but Cabeswater may play in what he feels for Ronan. Without consent, Cabeswater could have easily placed romantic feelings into Adam’s mind. Once again, Adam’s free will is taken away and he is still not able to make a single decision for himself.

And, for Ronan, how does it make him feel? To have Adam, but not truly. For if Cabeswater does have a part in how Adam feels to Ronan, than what does that make their relationship? It makes it a relationship built on lies, on false love. It makes what they have something that is nonconsensual. Is that’s something Ronan wants? Ronan should know how it is for Adam, he should understand how hard it is for Adam to think for himself. He has witnessed Adam’s lifestyle, he has seen how Adam is treated. For Adam, all that matters is that he able to think and be what he wants, not something other people want.

Does that make their whole relationship fake? Maybe, but also maybe not. It could be a possibility that Adam is indeed bisexual or pansexual, there is the possibility that Adam is just now coming to terms with his sexuality. It makes sense, after years of being treated like dirt, after years of abuse and negativity, that now when he is free from his father, Adam is able to explore new possibilities about who he is.

But there is still the problem of Cabeswater, a thing that doesn’t think about consent and what it means to want to have control over yourself. Cabeswater might actually be the thing that has changed Adam’s mind, the thing that is forcing him to reciprocate Ronan’s feelings.

That doesn’t mean Ronan will ignore that problem, what might happen will probably be the opposite. Ronan understands a lot, he gets people in his own strange way. Ronan knows how Adam actually feels, and he knows Adam just wants to have control. So Ronan might actually end up rejecting Adam, because he knows that what is happening isn’t a thing Adam wants.

Adam just wants to be his own property. He wants to stop being a toy for people to use, he wants to be his own person, to have control. He wants to be able to build his own boundaries and to explore himself his own way and in his own time. He wants to learn about himself and to be able to decide on who he wants to be.

What Adam feels for Ronan may be real, it may be something Adam has chosen for himself. But, there is till the fact that Cabeswater is also in control and has the ability to manipulate Adam against his will. So, yes, Ronan and Adam may be in love and may have a future consensual relationship, but yet maybe not, maybe everything is a lie and forced.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry for this mess, its all unedited ad most of it is just rambling. i just love adam so much and i saw a post on tumblr that got me thinking about adam and ronan and cabeswater. so i decided to put on troye sivan's album and write a bunch of nonsense.  
> 


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